Tween Phase? Dead. Thoughts from a Psych Grad

By Marissa Rotolo

Allie / @allienjones333 via Pinterest

Where the question of whether you were a Bratz or Barbie girl mattered most, and the combo of capri leggings under your jean skirt with a lace Justice tank top was simply untouchable. Feather hair extensions? All the rage.

Now, it feels like the awkward phase has disappeared into the abyss. Dare I say it—tweens today are cooler than we ever were.

My psychology degree might not be worth much (cries in unemployment), but I can weigh in on why I think the “tween phase” as we know it doesn’t really exist anymore.

With the rise of Tiktok tweens today are exposed to curated content at unprecedented rates, and earlier than ever. Developmentally, ages 9-12 are when children begin comparing themselves to peers to form identity. But now, their “peers” include influencers, celebrities, and older teenagers. 

Additionally, Erikson's stages of psychosocial development note that tweens are in the “Industry vs. Inferiority” stage, focused on competence and social belonging. However, earlier social comparison pulls them into Erikson’s “Identity vs. Role Confusion” stage earlier, where adolescents begin to define who they are. This forces a faster maturation of identity-related behaviors, styles, and attitudes.

Growing up fluent in digital communication gives tweens the appearance of maturity. They pick up slang, humor, and cultural references at lightning speed, masking the developmental stage they’re actually in. I can’t count how many times I’ve met a 12-year-old who looks and sounds like a full-blown teenager, only for their maturity to reveal otherwise. It’s the perfect example of how the digital age accelerates how they present themselves without truly advancing their emotional or cognitive development.

So, maybe the era of awkward tween phases—clunky side bangs, Silly Bandz, and blue eyeshadow—is over. But part of me feels sad for them. Because while they might have mastered contouring by sixth grade, they’re missing out on the freedom that comes with not knowing who you are just yet.

Then again, life is ever-evolving. Who knows—maybe in ten years, contouring will be seen as just another tweeny-bopper hobby, right up there with rainbow loom bracelets and feather hair extensions.

Growing up is awkward. It’s supposed to be. And while today’s tweens might look cooler, I can’t help but wonder if their experiences feel just as awkward as ours looked. 

Real Photo of me at 12 years old. Peak Marissa: Feather, side-bang, and serving.